bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know, be my cock's hype man.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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