He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
