batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Drunk is a universal language darling
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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