I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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