I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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