guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
