Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
