There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
