The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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