i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think people are normalizing furries
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
