I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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