you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize