I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
