Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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