She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
