just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
