My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
