Whats the glycemic index on semen?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
