Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
