FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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