just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
