Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He better not be in your backpack
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
