I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize