I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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