He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
