Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
