saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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