omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
