Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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