Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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