She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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