how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
