Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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