like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
