I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
