I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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