remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
