I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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