Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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