party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You dont lie about slip and slides
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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