You smell like stripper and shame
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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