life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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