It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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