You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
