Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
