I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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