you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
