I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
