if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
