Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
