youre lurking in front of me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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