You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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