He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
