I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize