Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
