I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
