i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
