just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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