you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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