I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
